Why now? Because I started this blog two summers ago, and this summer just feels like a repeat of that one. Just the same feelings are returning, I find myself in the same place. Seeing the same people and places. It's still you. And I still use the vague use of You, because it still is you and it will always be you.
It's the fourth of July but it feels like a melancholy valentines day with a little more sunshine.
I really wonder if I'm not the only one who feels like I felt today. We were all sitting at a park, for reasons unknown, reading cosmopolitan, which makes us that much more awkward. Sometimes I wonder if we're still trying to find the balance. Surrounded by children but having the most adult conversation. Talking about our explicit (mis)adventures. Ah, sexually frustrated teenagers.
But in the midst of all this joking, laughing, and "Shh, not in front of the kids" it still came over me. The feeling of lonliness that really seems inevitable. The feeling that even though I"m surrounded by people I care about, someone else should be there. Maybe this is the age where its time to seek out this person, whomever they may be. Maybe it's time to move forward from this awkward state we're in. But where is this person. I'd like to think he is another lost soul floating around feeling these same things, that we're meant to find each other. (I don't care how corny and cliche I make this sound) So where's this other, lost floating soul? Sometimes I have the feeling it could be someone I knew along (do you?)The one who finds me full of grace despite my bandaged blisters and bruises. The one who won't care that i never sleep at night. The one who doesn't mind ramblings such as these.
It's the fourth of july, and I feel like I should go out. But then again, I hate the fact I feel obligated. I'd rather stay in and continue listening to Nirvana. Honestly, I'd like to think wherever, whoever, this other lost soul is, that he'd also rather be at home listening to Nirvana.
Regardless of all this, I am so utterly content with my life right now. The thing that gets me is I want to share this contentness with someone else.
One last thing before I go. Since I'm the only one who hasn't talked about it. Michael Jackson. I'm not one of those people who jumped on the Michael Jackson band wagon once he died. I always was and always will be a fan. But it doesn't bother me the peole who did, because he deserves to be remembered and celebrated. It was quite eerie, I was actually listening to him a few hours before I heard he had passed. I'm weird about death in general, but this is the first time I've ever been upset over a celebrity dying. And for the record, (in some old news) I truly 100% believe he was innocent.
I shall leave now with a quote- "The most amazing thing is when you make a list of everything you want in a partner. Then you meet someone who is the complete opposite, but love them just the same."
-love
-kaylyn
