I have to say, today I was watching the Michael Jackson memorial. I was honestly crying most of the time, especially toward the end. But then I thought, why? If you think about it, this is ridiculous. Sure, it's sad, but I didn't know him. But thats the thing. Once in a while an entertainer comes along that is such a big part of your life and culture. Some of my first music memories were listening to michael jackson. He's one of the people I thought would live forever. needless to say, so I don't ramble on, I am upset about this. And it's weird to think this is going to be one of those historic events that I tell my kids about someday, and say this is what happened, this is how I felt, and this is how it affected me. I really should be growing tired of him. i've been listening to nothing else and viewing nothing else but his videos, but I"m not. Because I don't think thats possible.
But onto other things, in my own life. I go back and forth on the feelings about the monotony. Part of me wants to escape it, before it's too late. The other part of me loves that i have something stable to hold on to. I'm about halfway through my summer, and I'm dying for a little more excitement. I keep replaying the last few summers in my mind, and question why this isn't like that. But then i realize that this is now, and i'm older and (maybe) wiser and the same things can't happen. And they won't. I'm not the same naive girl who clung onto your every word and lingered on all the contact you gave me. Then again, a part of me still wishes I was. Ignorance is bliss? I've been working so much, I feel so much older than I am. Wheres this person who's going to make me feel young again?
The truth is I have always hoped to find solace inbetween those lips and sheets. Trying to squeeze into hearts that didn't give a damn. The sweat and the secrets that were never meant to slip. Sometimes people weren't meant to be, but they find a way. Or maybe they were meant to be, but are too stupid to realize it. So we resort to what we were. Gliding through life backwards. because it's this summer and I wish it wasn't.
RIP king of pop...
love always
kaylyncheyenne
