There's nothing like eating oatmeal at midnight

What am I to you? I'm sorry but I don't take it back.
Love me and I'll love you

"They looked at each other in a strange way. They took a walk, "let's be alone" they'd say. They were together. They fell in love. They kissed. They promised each other forever. It was beautiful. It was what everyone wishes for. It was all a lie. "
My eyes shut and my ears opened to the sound of the radio. My mind shut down, my mouth opened only to breathe. The only things that were open were my ears and my heart.It's amazing how those two things can go together so well.Evaluating and analyzing. It's enemy VS. Friend. We're all liars in the end.

This could be my year.Keep your fingers crossed, and your eyes closed. This is our time to take chanes. Have fun. I would say "don't get hurt" But we all know that's bound to happen. Make the magic happen, don't let it whisk you away.
Something about you scares me, it's the thing I don't want to be a part of, but the thing I crave more than anything

I've always wanted to be the person who people come up to and say "you have such a way with words." But I gave up on that just like you gave up on me. There are so many people I swoon(ed) over, but none swoon over me. All I want is one person to turn it all around, will you be that person? Can you be the person who gets my heart racing, but at the same time remains lost for words in my presence? Can you be the person I run to when I'm sad, and your only concern is to help me someway, somehow. Can you be the person who tells me I'm beautiful, and truly mean it. Can you be the person who gets nervous around me, but still never leaves my side. Can you be the person who stays with me through thick and thin, and promises me forever, and lives out that promise. Can you be the person to listen to all my dreams, and make those dreams come true? Of course not, people like that don't exist anymore.Could you be the person to change that? Hold my words in your heart and hands, and I will fake the best smile I can. But really, I can only fake so much. Pretty soon you fake it to the point where it's believed by everyone including yourself, but sometimes you fake it to the point where you feel an insane amount of guilt for living a lie, and you want to end the lie. Sometimes the lie has gotten to big for you to undo it with the truth, so you just stop it all together.That was almost me, don't let it be you.This is who I really am, the simple girl, whose mind is so complex. Who people think they will never be able to understand, but are just looking to hard. I'm the girl who every guy says is a great friend, and all the other girls say they envy my beauty. But I'm the girl who's always alone, no matter what. I'm the girl who kicks the guys butt on the football feild, and can play a mean guitar solo. I'm the girl who wishes upon stars, and hopes for a better life. But I'm the girl who will never get it.

I think this gets the award for the most jumbled entry yet.
But you still tolerate me, right?

long time no update

It's funny how we're both in love with disaster.
Hold hands until they're numb. Trying to get something out of this. Nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
Losing contact with people I never dreamed I would.
And all these words are slipping out of your mouth. Maybe you mean them, maybe not. But it's making me insane trying to figure out the truth. You say it is, but it almost makes you seem like more of a liar.
the moon makes me think of old liars and new truth-ers. It just occured to me that maybe "truther" isn't a word because there's way more liars out there. Now it seems like we're going back to the being in love with a disaster.
People like that must exist, the ones who slow down for the car crash. I've been talked to, people have shown interest in me. People must love disaster.
I sleep in my jeans and old makeup. I never bother looking nice for anyone because whats the point? I always slur my speech even though I never drink. I curl my toes every time I talk to you because an old therapist said it helps hold off anxiety attacks. Every time I see a falling star, I don't make a wish, all I do is say your name, and hope whoever the wish giver is understands. I want truth-ers to exist. I am conivced people are hopeless, but so am I, because I hope all of it can change. I keep the same song on repeat every night. Maybe it's because I hate change. But I'm so neurotic it makes me laugh and cry both, depending on the night. I take two showers a day, brush my teeth three times a day for five minutes. I just hate feeling dirty. Once again, I'm just so damn neurotic. Just like the time I came home, showered for an hour, and brushed my teeth for a good ten minutes. I was hoping to get your scent off my skin, your taste out of my mouth. I don't sleep. I lay awake in bed, once again, being hopeless, hoping for something better, but in all reality I have a wonderful life that I am content with. I guess it's the whole the grass is greener on the other side. And I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes I sneak out to the spot we met and replay everything we've been through. And by doing so, I realize- maybe some one else can fall in love with disaster, but I don't know if I can. As everything I just said proves, I'm enough disaster for both of us.
mmm....
time to go. Before I think of more things wrong with me.

all we are is too fast for love

i'm all sore from being poked to death and my stomach still hurts from that last anxiety attack.my head is spinning. there are way too many thoughts in there. and I'm starting to feel like the many pennies I threw in the wishing well were a waste. same with all the thoughs that were about you. I used to say I'd be here waiting for you, but dammit, I just don't know. because really people like us are just hopeless. Can't get anything right. I was attracted to a train wreck...kind of like how people slow down to see the car crash. In awe. I guess there's still hope, there always is in everything. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't fall for many people at all. Liking someone for me is rare, but when I get attached, it's serious. There's reasons I fall so hard. And everytime i try to give another boy a chance I only end up comparing him to you.
the summers almost over. I want to end it on a positive note.